Wedding Advice: You Don’t Need To Have Lots In Common With Your Mate


Remember the Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston song “We’ve Got Something in Common?” My goodness, I could hear this song chiming in as I discussed an important topic with a friend of mine who is about to be married.  What she doesn’t realize that having a ton of things in common with her mate isn’t as important as knowing and understanding non-negotiable needs.


About a month ago, I had a conversation with a girlfriend who was describing her fiancé and she was gushing about how much her and her fiancé had in common.  How they could finish each other’s sentences, how they both love football, how they love all the same foods and even went so far as to talk about they have the same cell phones that are linked like peas in a pod.


It all sounded really cute and I giggled with her as we discussed all the things she loved about her husband-to-be.  It was easy to tell that this girl is in love with this man and can’t wait to marry him.


Our discussion transitioned into her impending wedding, and all the fun details from the table settings to the wedding dress.  Her wedding is scheduled for September of this year and is highly anticipating the big day. Her fiancé has been super attentive and involved in almost all the aspects of the wedding planning details.  He was even present as she tried on wedding gowns, which left many of us wide-eyed and shocked but smiled because she was the epitome of a blushing bride in her final dress selection!


The other day she called me in hysterics.  She said to me that she didn’t know if she could marry her fiancé because she found out he didn’t love Christmas in the same way that she did.  In her family, it is a huge family gathering where everyone flies in from all over the country to be at her parent’s house.  There all sorts of family traditions that takes place leading up to Christmas day. Some activities include, White Elephant Gift Exchanges, Secret Santa, Gag Gift exchanges, everyone sitting around the fireplace telling stories about the “year in review” for the family members and this list goes on and on. When she invited him to participate in the festivities it was quite obvious that he wasn’t very interested and made excuses to leave the room at times. Suddenly, she felt that perhaps she and her mate didn’t have as much in common as she thought, and perhaps it was a huge mistake in marrying him.


After calming her down and she was open to listening, I advised her that it was time to look deeper into their relationship and know what is most important. I told her that she doesn’t need to have lots in common with her mate as long as she knows and meets his non-negotiable needs (NNN).  She kind of wrinkled her eyebrows and asked what I was referring to. I asked her if the two of them had discussed what things each of them needed from each other.  She indicated, they had.  So I told her that understanding and meeting each other’s NNN’s is fundamental to a successful marriage.  If she knows and understands his needs that he cannot live without, and he understands her NNN’s then the two of them have a solid foundation for a successful marriage.


In my opinion, having a few things in common with your mate are good.  But understanding each other’s NNN’s is imperative!  Stay tuned for next week’s article that will delve further into the non-negotiable needs discussion.


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