If you’ve been following me on Facebook, my profile picture with the pink boxing gloves is a dead giveaway. I was diagnosed with breast cancer March 15th, 2013.
So let’s start from the beginning…..
Have you ever prayed for something so hard, that you didn’t really ask HOW something would come about, you just knew the WHAT you wanted answered?
During Christmas 2012, I had a feeling…not just any old feeling…but a definite feeling that God was going to answer my prayers (that I had been praying on for 9 years) and enable my daughter and I to move to my hometown of DC.
My past is a little complicated, but I’ll give you the gist of it. It would take a giant shift in heaven and earth to make this prayer for my daughter and I become a reality. So, I was taught, when you put something out into the Universe, I am not supposed to worry about HOW it will happen, I am just supposed to ask for WHAT I want to happen.
In March of 2103, I was told that I had 5 masses in my left breast and the breast imaging specialist was pretty certain I had cancer. She said this to me like she was talking about the weather outside (in predictable sunny California). You see, sometimes people who work in the health field become desensitized to everyday test results. But to us patients, they just delivered news that would forever change our lives……correction…change MY LIFE forever. Initially, I was scared out of my mind and cried uncontrollably; which was a natural reaction. After all, I was only 37 years old. I had just run the LA Marathon a year earlier. None and I mean none of my peers were dealing with something like this. I was scared for my daughter, because what would that mean for her? I was faced with a major decision. Do I move back home to my family and friends to fight the biggest fight for my life? Or do I stay in California, where I no longer wanted to live…and fight? You might be thinking…..ummm no brainer….go home to DC and fight. But here’s the kicker….my daughter’s father was absolutely uncompassionate in allowing our daughter to move to DC with me. Her MOTHER.
Pure devastation. You’ve got to see how my daughter and I are around each other. We are like peas in a pod. She’s the ink in my pen. The yellow in my Sunshine. She and I have been thick as thieves from the very beginning. I get it, I understand that he loves her too. Matter of fact, I’m blessed that he does. However, I had a gut-wrenching choice to make. Life meant moving home and fighting….Death meant staying in LA. If I chose Life then that meant I had to leave my daughter. If I chose Death well….I guess that means I would have left her anyways.
Aaaahhhh so this is what Christians call….Stepping Out On Faith!!!
Oh….I see….my breast cancer diagnosis was my prayers being answered….I get to move home, and my faith in God will handle the part about my daughter moving here too.
So, I took a leap of faith and I moved home to DC and fought breast cancer with everything I had. I asked God to order my steps and to take good care of my little life line, because it would be my love for her that would get me through this. Then, I focused all of my energy, all of my thoughts, all of my everything on fighting and winning.
Within three weeks of being diagnosed, I packed up my bags, sold most of our things, shipped the bare essentials, explained to my little girl that Mommie was sick and had to leave and then moved back to DC. I will be forever scarred from the look in my little girl’s eyes when I said goodbye….
In April, I had begun my new routine of seeing doctor after doctor. Then they had more tests. More blood, more everything. They discovered that actually it wasn’t 5 masses….it was actually 9 masses in my left breast. My heart was in a lot of pain living in LA and I believed my cancer was a representation of my pain. My choice was to go ahead and have my left breast removed. I wanted to live. I wanted to fight. I wanted my baby girl to know that her mother is a fighter.
I am lucky. I am cancer FREE. I have one real boob and one fake one. After my last surgery I did a little bit of online shopping and found a shirt that spoke directly to me. The shirt says “Yes, these are fake, my real ones tried to kill me.”
It’s been 10 months, and I am just starting to get my life back to some sort of new normalcy. I am just getting back to blogging and just getting back to weddings and brides and all the things I love. Slowly but surely I’ll post more photos of my recent work. So check back again for the Eco Friendly Styled Shoot, the wedding I shot in Mexico, and I’m currently working on a new project for the Spring!
I’m starting over. I’m making new friendships. I’m rekindling long lived friendships. Realizing I’m outgrowing others. I’m still very close with my family. And I’m in love with a wonderful man who never left my side during my battle. I have a brand new set of eyes when I look around me. I can not wait to shoot couples in this incredible beautiful city!! I am so inspired. I am so excited.
There are endless possibilities all around me! Life has a way of unfolding perfectly, at the perfect time.
By the grace of God, my daughter will move here soon….and it will be in perfect harmony.
My story isn’t finished….it is just beginning.
I can’t wait to meet my new DMV couples and hear how perfectly life unfolded for them and what steps brought them to me!
I am back! And I can’t wait to see what happens next!